» No More Alice

In January of 2009, one of my students committed suicide.  She had only been in my class since November, and was actually hospitalized at the time of her death.  Nevertheless, we had had a few extended conversations about her life and how she thought about herself despite her psychiatrist's best efforts.  Our last conversation was in preparation for her hospitalization, and I was trying to get her to visualize how her life could be if she simply cooperated with her doctors and stopped trying to hurt herself - a future she refused to accept.

Still, her suicide was a devastating shock, and several students and a few staff members went through group counseling at the school to try to get past it.  More than a year later, however, I was still thinking often about how I was the only one left in this world with the memories of our conversations, the jokes we shared, etc.  It wasn't much of a relationship, but I was half of it - and now that was all there was.  It made me think, too, about biological memory and how the vastness of the human experience is mostly lost throughout the generations.

As my final act of self-therapy - and a very effective one - I put all my anguish into writing the chorus of "No More Alice", and I believe that anguish is well expressed in that structure.  I changed my student's name, but I didn't want the song to be about suicide.  I turned to my son Michael and asked him to write the verses, and the result was fantastic.  The song didn't exclude suicide, but now it was basically about relationship and loss.  I added the bridge to follow that same vein.

Probably the greatest joy I have yet had as a songwriter is to watch teenage audiences respond to this song.  "No More Alice" is currently Crosley Court's hottest number, and is usually saved to the end.  The audiences will chant for it, and then when it's played, I stand by the stage and watch them pump their fists and sing the words they've learned even before the CD was released.  I am now convinced there is no greater feeling for a songwriter than to watch an audience - especially an audience 40 years younger than me - sing the words to a song I cowrote with my son.

I also hope that, somewhere, my student can see that a space has bee re-made for her in this world, however small.  Yes, the song is not actually about her - she was only the initial inspiration for the chorus - but it wouldn't occupy its place in the hearts and minds of so many people if she had not come into my life in the first place. So, finally - rest in peace, "Alice".

Note: the image is from http://miss-jkim.hubpages.com/hub/A-Season-of-Sadness-Poem.